King Cotton

by June Bassemir

(written circa 1974  with an update of 2011)

The town crier was hoarse!  After all he had been crying out the news all night!

    “King Cotton has been dethroned."

“Rah! … Rah…. That’s good”…..said some!   But a few were sad and said, “That’s bad!”

The crier continued…”A woman by the name of Polly Esther has become Queen and hereafter all clothes will be made with her.”

For the most part the people rejoiced and even the few Cotton followers, who doubted the new Queen’s effectiveness, were satisfied to wait and see.

The supporters of the throne boasted that clothes made by the Queen would never have to be ironed.

All the women rejoiced because they never liked ironing clothes anyway.  All went well for a while until “Gid” appeared.  Now, Gid is the nickname for Ground in Dirt and he liked to hide in some shirts – usually around the collar & cuffs.  After  months of wash and wear, husbands began to complain about dirty collars and some were even heard running up and down the halls singing the number one hit of the day…”Ring around the collar…ring around the collar.”  No sooner had that tune begun its upward climb, when “Every woman’s friend Clorax” introduced her second cousin – Clorax 2.

Alas…Polly Esther’s popularity was waning.  Her subjects noticed she kept steady company with a nasty fellow called. “Static Electricity”.  Whenever he was with Queen Polly, he brought his buddies along too.  There names were “Threads”, “Hairs” and “Fuzzier Wuzzies”.  The citizens began to complain of shocks, especially in cold weather.

“Something must be done,” complained the people…so Polly Esther’s advisors called upon their trusted Chinese friend, “Cling Free” to rid the Queen of “Static – E’s” shocking effect.  He did so with a push of a button.

The throne still belongs to Polly Esther but King Cotton is waiting patiently for another chance to reign.  There’s talk of a marriage between the two.  The King’s supporters feel that would be his best material gain at this time.

2011 Update:  The King is back, sharing the crown with Polly and others. Thankfully he is not in danger of being dethroned by young men demanding he step down…. as in Egypt and now Libya.  Hah!